twizted_chylde (twizted_chylde) wrote in youngmommys,

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LAck of Sleep Kills

Yesterday we all went to Stoney Creek for a birthday party in my family. It's about an hour away but Evelyn turned out to be pretty good in the car. We left at around 1 with directions from MapQuest and headed out... it was going pretty good, considering I was driving, until the directions told us to keep going West and we ended up in Brantford. An hour later we finally arrived but we drove through Hamilton and with some patience and guesswork got to the packed house at around 3. We had a fairly long day and the drive tired us out but we left with alot of gifts from family that I didn't even know knew we had a baby. I'm sure they weren't impressed with the lack of ring on my finger but whatever at least they were nice about it.

When we got home, Evelyn was still sleeping and I started to unpack the gifts. OUt of nowhere, Robin brought up that he wanted to educate Evelyn on all religions so she can make her own decision about what she wants to believe in. Although I had no immediate problem with that, the girl is a month old, that would be something we can address later on, or at least after ten minutes of arriving home. Somehow the conversation got really heated on his side and he ended up getting very angry but I didn't understand why it meant so much to him all of a sudden. THen I realized it was because my aunt invited me to church and I said I'd consider it, like I always do, but I've only gone once in the past year. Robin then started saying that I already picked her religion for her and that I wanted her to get baptized but I'd never said that and if he knew me well he would know that I don't feel that strongly about it that I would make that decision for her. So of course this random bullshit he was telling me was making me mad because it wasn't true and I can't defend myself very well when I'm trying to tell him that I didn't say something when he's so sure I did. Then that makes me think that maybe I did say these things and I feel really shitty. I tried to get him to just let it go for now and we'll worry about it in a couple of years. I asked him, how could bringing an infant to church be influencing her decisions? He says "sub-conciously". Give me a fucking break. Am I wrong in getting even more mad and eventually the whole thing turned into tears and yelling and horrible things said. All I could think of was what a terrible mother I was being but everytime I tried to get him to just drop it, he would go off about how I'm acting like a child and more horrible tihngs were said. I'm still a little bit depressed about the whole thing and the things that were said to me, because even if you deny it, alot of truth comes out when you're mad so I can't just forget about them so easily. I feel so bad for letting Evelyn be within the same walls of that happening but even when I moved her from crib to car seat (I was about to leavE) to bed, she slept pretty peacefully. I hope she can forget everything better than I can.
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